Training Our Feelings

By Engr. Carlos V. Cornejo

We are in a time and era where we give too much emphasis on feelings.  Mantras like “If you feel like doing it, just do it” have become popular.   But the advice of many saints in the Church especially St. Thomas Aquinas is that we should not pay much attention to our feelings because they are very volatile or unstable.  Emotions can change quite rapidly, and therefore not a reliable basis for making decisions.

Feelings come from our corporeal nature or because we have bodies.  If we were just pure spirits like angels, we would not have feelings.  Animals have feelings too such as anger, fear, hunger, joy, etc. much like us.  In fact, it’s what dictates their actions.  Animals do what they do based on what they feel.  If they feel like peeing, then they pee anywhere.  If we humans let our feelings dictate our actions, guess what we are like (yes, animals)?

The saints are telling us not to give too much emphasis on feelings because the practice of virtue, especially the highest virtue which is love, is not based on feelings.   Many would mistakenly think that love is a feeling but love is a deed.  Love is a choice to do what is good for others whether we feel good doing it or not.  When God commanded us to love Him and our neighbor, it is a command to act and not to feel.  Otherwise, God would be asking us to do an impossible thing if love is based on feelings because we have no full control of our feelings.   That’s why everyone can love because love is a choice.  When Dr. Peter Kreeft, a famous modern-day philosopher was asked, “What is the ingredient to a successful marriage?” he simply replied, “Just think of what is the right thing to do for your partner and children and then do it.”  In other words, love is simply doing the right thing.

All the other virtues such as faith, hope, hard work, punctuality, compassion, honesty, humility, loyalty, etc. are to be practiced not based on feeling good about them but because they are what is good for us and for our neighbor.  In the spiritual life for instance, we need not have deep feelings of sorrow when we are sorry for our sins in going to confession, the important thing is we resolve not to commit those sins again.  Nor should we pray only when we feel like it but our prayer should be something regular because that’s how we show our love for God, by overcoming our feelings, to fulfill our duty to talk to Him every day.  That’s why in the Gospels, Christ does not show us much of His emotional side because God wants us to focus on the will or our power to choose.

Good feelings usually follows when we do good actions as a kind of reward.  But even if they don’t come, we should still carry out good actions because that’s how we grow in character.  If the nice feelings are there when we want to practice a virtue, then we should welcome it.   If not then that’s fine, they are just sugar on the cake.  The more important thing is the cake.  If we ignore good feelings, they will just come.  But if we worship them, they will dissipate.