Lust vs. Love

By Engr. Carlos V. Cornejo

Catholic spiritual teaching defines lust to be a disordered desire for sexual pleasure, where sexual pleasure is “sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes (Catechism of the Catholic Church, 2351).”  In short, any use of sex outside marriage is lust or a sin against the Sixth and Ninth Commandment.  If a person is not yet married or still single, he or she is commanded by God to refrain from using sex until marriage.  Common sins of lust for single people are pre-marital sex or fornication, same-sex acts, and masturbation.  Sins of lust common for married people is adultery (having a relationship with another married or unmarried person).   The Church teaches that sexual desire in itself is good, and is considered part of God’s plan for humanity. However, when sexual desire is separated from God’s love, it becomes disordered and self-seeking. This is seen as lust.

Love on the other hand seeks the good of the others, which is the opposite of lust which seeks only the good or pleasure for oneself.  According to St. Thomas Aquinas lust is not love for three reasons.  First, it is selfish:  what we love is not the person but the experience.  Second, it is only animal love; it does not rise to the level of reason and free will because it uses only feelings as the basis for ones actions.  Animals by nature are only dictated by feelings since they don’t have intelligence and free will.   Third lust does not subject itself to God and to His will.

To counter the vice of lust we need to practice the virtue of chastity a virtue related to the cardinal virtue of temperance or self-control.  The word chastity comes from the Latin word “castus” which means cut-off or pure, thus another term for this virtue is purity.  To be chaste means to be “pure from unlawful sex”.

Lust is when you just use someone for the pleasure that she or he can give to you.  That’s simply making others as objects that can be discarded later on when that object becomes boring and dull.  The lustful person drains the life of a relationship because he or she can’t express love (love can be expressed in many different ways whereas lust is just expressed in one way).  The chaste person however focuses on what he or she can give to make the relationship grow, but the unchaste person focuses on what he or she can get from it.  St. Pope John Paul II said, “Only the chaste person is capable of true love.”

St. Augustine said, “Lust indulged becomes habit, and habit unresisted becomes a necessity.” Take it from St. Augustine who was a lustful person before he was converted.  Necessity means one can’t live without it or it becomes an addiction.  Chastity is not just absence of sex much like peace is not just the absence of war.  Chastity is expressing true love in many ways.  It means you are now noticing the beauty of the personality of your partner and not just the pleasure she or he can give you.  Previously, it was just her physical appearance, but now it would be her company or companionship that makes you happy.  Chastity gives way to the joy of the relationship that lust can never give.

Freedom from lust and discovering the beauty of chastity is much like the story of a party goer guy who had a car accident and was now confined on a wheelchair.  It seems that his life now lacks excitement because his movement is limited. But surprisingly he was thankful for his accident, because it made him notice and enjoy the simple things in life such as playing with his younger brothers and sisters as well as noticing the hidden beauty of neighborhood life, which he did not realize before because he was too busy partying with his low-life friends.  “When you resolve firmly to lead a clean life, chastity will not be a burden for you: it will be a triumphal crown.” (St. Josemaria Escriva, The Way 123)