Do Hard Things

By Engr. Carlos V. Cornejo

This book redefines the definition of toughness, “Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Toughness”.  The common notion of toughness is to be confident when facing up to difficulties.  But the author, Steve Magness, after studying toughness for many years based on his experience working with elite athletes, executives and entrepreneurs redefines the different maxims of traditional toughness into what he discovered as the science of toughness.  His following three main points will help us confront tough situations with calmness and even pass the test with flying colors.

(1) Traditional toughness says, “act confident.” But the science of toughness says, “embrace reality.”

Your perseverance and toughness during the endeavor is largely determined by your expectations leading up to that endeavor. If you underestimate the challenge, you will panic when the endeavor is more demanding than you thought it would be. The key to staying tough

is assuming nothing will happen as quickly or as smoothly as you hope, but with enough time and effort, you can achieve more than what most people think is possible.  This is associated to the same notion that instead of visualizing yourself reaching the finish line in a marathon, visualize the tiredness and the effort of reaching the finish line instead.  Embracing reality means effort is always needed in any endeavor in contrast to our belief that things will run smoothly.

When the US army examined results from their survival training courses, they found that the soldiers who experienced doubt and expected the training to be difficult performed much better than the soldiers who thought the training would be a ‘piece of cake.’ As a wise and experienced military friend once told Steve Magness, “An ounce of doubt keeps me sharp.”

(2)  Traditional toughness says, “ignore the pain and push on.” The science of toughness says, “acknowledge the pain but maintain equanimity.”

Equanimity means mental calmness and composure.  Every challenging and worthwhile endeavor brings a heavy dose of discomfort. When discomfort strikes, the amygdala ‐ a small region in the brain that scientists call the body’s alarm system ‐ is activated. People who burnout have an overactivated amygdala that they cannot calm down.  To avoid burning out and checking out, we must understand our internal alarms and then quickly turn those alarms down and make intelligent decisions.

Below is a three‐part method to reliably return your amygdala to baseline and maintain a state of equanimity:

(a)  Zoom out and explain: When you get frustrated while working, zoom out and see yourself from a distance, then think, “Nathan or John is getting frustrated.” Explaining stressful situations to ourselves in the third person is an effective way to regulate emotion. It makes us be more objective rather than subjective in solving our problems.  In one study, kids who referred to themselves in the third person while working on a frustrating task were 30% better at regulating their emotions and staying on task.

(b)  Reappraise: When we take a test, we can interpret nervousness as a sign we are not prepared for a test, or we can see it as a sign the test is important, and our body is providing us with additional energy to focus. When we reappraise, we identify ways in which discomfort is beneficial. The more we reappraise, the more likely we are to deal with discomfort in a productive manner (rather than running from it or ignoring it).

(c)  Reassure: Experienced meditators (those who meditate or pray for at least 15 minutes per day) are so good at calming themselves down after a stressful experience because they’ve spent thousands of hours observing thoughts and emotions come and go and understand that everything is temporary. We need not meditate for thousands of hours to know that discomfort is a fleeting sensation that rises and falls. If we use discomfort as a cue to tell ourselves, “This too shall pass,” we can return to a state of equanimity.

(3)  Traditional toughness says, “forget your psychological needs and just do the work.” The science of toughness says, “satisfy your psychological needs and you’ll work harder than ever.”

Humans have three psychological needs: autonomy, competency, and belonging.  If you can cultivate a feeling of autonomy, competency, and belonging during a difficult endeavor, you will dramatically increase your odds of finishing that endeavor.

(a)  Generate a feeling of autonomy by acknowledging that you always have a choice. When you feel that your job is boring and demanding never lose that sense of freedom and autonomy by saying that you chose that job and that you can always quit it anytime and get another one.  It would help you not to feel forced or imprisoned with a difficult situation.

(b) Generate a feeling of competency by constantly feeling like you’re making progress.  Reflect on the work you’ve completed in the past few days to get you to where you are today. Then, focus on one tiny thing you can do to continue making progress in the next 5 seconds. For a runner mid‐marathon, that means reflecting on the miles she’s completed and then executing the next few steps as well as she can.  It’s saying to yourself that if I was able to do what I already did then the rest can be accomplished.