Letting go 3.0

By Herman M. Lagon

As I sit here on the eve of my daughter Parvane Mae’s graduation from West Visayas State University College of Medicine (WVSU COM), a flood of mixed emotions engulfs me. It feels like I was guiding her through her first tentative steps only yesterday, and now I am on the brink of witnessing her stride confidently into the world as a medical professional. This journey of letting go is something I have experienced before with my elder daughter, Psyche Mae, who recently returned to the US with her husband, Vincent Conlu, for her teaching profession. But each departure carries its unique emotional weight.

Parvane’s journey has been nothing short of remarkable. Her dedication to her studies is awe-inspiring. I recall moments when she would prepare for exams with just C2, USANA, and Hello Choco Coated wafers, channeling her inner “John Wick” with focus, commitment, and sheer will. Her determination during her clerkship, where she often sacrificed her “protected time” to assist those in need at the WVSU Medical Center ward, earned her recognition as one of the most outstanding clerks in the batch. With this, I see ‘magis’ (more) and cura personalis (care for the person) she holds dearly creeping into her veins.

Today, as Parvane stands on the cusp of a new chapter, preparing for the PRC exam for Physicians and serving in another hospital, I am filled with pride and a sense of impending loss. She was tasked to specialize in Family Medicine as part of her Department of Health (DOH) scholarship and dreams of becoming one of the Doctors at the Barrios (DTTB). This will likely take her far from home, perhaps a bus, ship, or plane ride away. It is yet another phase of letting go; this time, it feels like the final thread of our daily lives together is about to be severed.

Fatherhood is a delicate balance of holding and releasing. As parents, we protect, teach, and guide our children from birth. We raise them, teach them, and watch them fly away. This dynamic of letting go is a constant theme, and with each child, the experience evolves.

With Parvane, it has been a journey filled with moments that tested my patience and my ability to release control. Her stubborn yet passionately driven nature often reminded me of my own youth. She is, in every sense, a ‘tibak’–a steadfast advocate for justice and equality, much like the Atenean and Taga-West values instilled in her. Her grassroots efforts in the “Liwanag sa Dilim” campaign are a testament to her commitment to making a difference in the world.

Reflecting on our time together, I remember the times I pushed her hard, sometimes too hard. There was the infamous “halo-halo incident” when I questioned the missing 2% from her near-perfect grade. These moments of strictness, though well-intentioned, now seem trivial in the grand scheme of her achievements. Yet, they shaped her resilience and fortified her spirit.

Parvane’s humility and unassuming nature are her most endearing qualities. She thrives quietly and unnoticeably in various ways, including her skill in journalism, her receipt of the esteemed IWAG award, her persuasive public speaking, her love of research and mathematics, and her hidden yet varsity-artsy level abilities in chess, drawing, and singing. She genuinely animates, sometimes to a fault, working toward the betterment of others rather than one’s own fame, fortune, health, and wealth.

As she embarks on this new journey, my role as her father transitions once again. I am learning to embrace spiritual detachment and find inner freedom by letting go. It is not about being indifferent to her choices or well-being but about trusting that she is guided by the same grace and values that have shaped her thus far. It is about releasing my fears and anxieties, knowing that her path is hers to navigate.

Like in all relationships, letting go requires science and art. It calls for striking a careful balance between allowing our loved ones the freedom to develop and find their own paths and cherishing the memories and values we and the rest of the community have instilled. It involves understanding that they are not merely extensions of ourselves but individuals with their unique dreams and aspirations. This discerned mindset brings a sense of peace and acceptance.

Parvane’s decision to serve in rural areas as part of her DTTB scholarship speaks volumes about her character. She is not motivated by the comforts of a city career or the lure of working abroad. Instead, driven by a desire to help the underprivileged and provide healthcare to those in greatest need, she takes the less-traveled route. Her decision deeply echoes the call to be men and women for others, making us and her formators and mentors proud even more.

I am even more grateful as I prepare to see her walk across the stage at the WVSU Cultural Center today, July 25, 2024. I am much appreciative of the 26 years of unmerited grace that have led her to this point. I am thankful for the experiences and knowledge she has gained. I am grateful for the opportunity to see her development and change to the next level.

Being a father requires ongoing learning and adjustment. It entails allowing our kids to choose their paths while still actively involved in their lives. It entails offering assistance and motivation even when one is far away. Above all, it is about realizing that our support, affection, and continuous modeling are the cornerstones of their futures.

As Parvane prepares for her PRC exam in PLE and LET, her subsequent assignment as a Doctor to the Barrios, and her other plans beyond MD, I trust her abilities, passion, and grit to her calling. Beyond any doubt, with the values and ideals that have shaped her, she will genuinely improve the lives of the people she helps, one patient at a time.

Although it is never easy, letting go is essential to the next journey. It is a testament to our deep love for one another and the strength of our bond. I find solace in knowing that Parvane will carry the values and lessons we have taught her into the future. And, like all the other parents for their children, I remain a proud father, always ready to support my strong and independent nurse-doctor ‘tibak’ daughter, no matter where her journey takes her.

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Doc H fondly describes himself as a “student of and for life” who, like many others, aspires to a life-giving and why-driven world grounded in social justice and the pursuit of happiness. His views do not necessarily reflect those of the institutions he is employed or connected with.