Dealing with digital drama queens

By Herman M. Lagon

There is always one in every thread. You know the type. The one who snubs joy like it is a sin, who turns your good news into a courtroom drama, and who reads your promotion or your child’s graduation post like it is a personal affront. It does not matter if you post about your dog’s birthday or an overdue beach trip, they will somehow find a way to unearth the hidden toxicity they believe exists. They are not just cynical. They are social media’s unofficial, self-declared Supreme Court, moral guardians, and “truth-tellers.” Except no one asked them.

These kinds of users do not throw shade. They wield eclipse. Their comments often begin with “Just saying,” or “Not to ruin the moment but…,” followed by a barrage of negativity masked as realism. A teacher in Iloilo once posted about her joy in seeing her students finally submit a clean exam. One responder asked, “But were they really learning, or just memorizing?” This is the online equivalent of bringing an umbrella to someone else’s sunshine.

Toxicity in digital spaces has grown like fungus on a neglected wall. According to the American Psychiatric Association (2019), more than a third of U.S. adults believe social media negatively affects mental health. While this study may be Western in context, it resonates with us Filipinos who spend an average of four hours a day on social media, one of the highest globally. Many teachers report being emotionally drained not by their classes, but by what they see during a quick break scroll.

This is not just about trolls or anonymous bots. Often, the most exhausting digital personalities are people we know: colleagues, former classmates, neighbors, even relatives. They cloak their bitterness with intellectual snobbery or performative concern. They turn the comments section into a coliseum, feasting on the blood of sincerity. But make no mistake, these interactions can gnaw at one’s mental health. Like microaggressions, they are tiny stings that leave invisible bruises.

One effective way to deal with such behavior is to limit engagement. Turn off notifications for apps that tempt your attention. Consider uninstalling them during high-stress seasons like exam weeks or grading periods. Rappler, Inquirer, and other media sites suggest minimizing passive browsing. Instead of doomscrolling, actively choose which posts to see, and who to follow. Use social media like a curated reading list, not an emotional minefield.

Setting boundaries may sound like modern buzzwords, but they are survival tools. Use mute, block, and unfollow like seatbelts. These are not rude gestures. They are acts of self-preservation. A university student from Iloilo shared how she muted a former professor who constantly downplayed her academic achievements. “It felt rude at first, but I realized I do not owe anyone access to my peace,” she reflected.

You also do not have to explain your boundaries to everyone. As the insights of licensed therapist Jin Kim suggest, validation from toxic individuals is often fleeting and manipulative. Boundaries are not there to change them. They are there to protect you. Quietly disengage. Not every battle is worth the bandwidth.

Still, protecting yourself goes beyond clicking a few settings. This is where mindfulness comes in. Ask yourself why you are logging on. Is it to check on friends, or to seek validation for a bad day? The more aware you are of your motives, the less likely you will spiral into comparison or rage. This habit echoes an old principle of reflective living: notice the stirring within before reacting to the noise without.

And if all else fails, take a break. Digital detox is not a trend; it is a coping strategy. A study by the University of Pennsylvania found that students who limited social media to 30 minutes a day reported reduced depression and loneliness. A former co-teacher I know, juggling multiple subjects, said she reclaimed her sanity by only checking Facebook after dinner. “I used to scroll during lunch, but I realized I was digesting negativity instead of food,” she quipped.

But let us be fair. Sometimes the ‘toxic’ individual is going through something too. Not an excuse for poor behavior, but an understanding that bitterness is often the result of pain. Hurt people hurt other people, and nobody edits empathy out online. A former friend once criticized my public gratitude post for a short scholarship abroad. Years later, she admitted it was hard for her to read anything joyful when her own plans were falling apart. Her apology came late, but it came.

This does not mean we must put up with passive-aggressive lectures disguised as comments. But it does mean we can choose compassion over combustion. Sometimes, the most radical act is not to clap back, but to disengage and move on. Say less, scroll faster, live better. No one has ever changed a diva by arguing with them in the comment section.

Social media is not toxic by default. It reflects the tone we bring into it. But its algorithm does amplify extremes. The more the outrage is heard, the greater the visibility it attains. This is the reason why feed curation, careful use of time, and investments in offline friendships are still the best practices. Surround yourself with people who celebrate quietly, laugh deeply, and love without needing to “react.”

To teachers, students, and professionals juggling deadlines, emotional labor, and social noise, remember: your digital space is your garden. Weed it as often as necessary. Block the pests. Prune the dry connections. Water the friendships that nourish. As one Ignatian insight suggests: choose what brings genuine consolation, not fleeting stimulation. Know what uplifts your soul, not just your stats.

So next time someone dumps their bitterness in your celebration post and at-the-moment stories, or sneers at your small wins and “everything is grace” prayers, remember this: you are not obligated to host everyone in your joy. You can keep your peace private or post it in public at your heart’s desire satisfaction. You can draw a line. You can walk away or feature it nonetheless. And you can do it either way with dignity, not drama.

When the feed turns foul, choose your scrolls like you choose your battles—not every post needs a reply, and not every troll deserves a stage.

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Doc H fondly describes himself as a ”student of and for life” who, like many others, aspires to a life-giving and why-driven world grounded in social justice and the pursuit of happiness. His views do not necessarily reflect those of the institutions he is employed or connected with.