Catching a Croc

By Limuel S. Celebria

(We are republishing some of the memorable columns of the late Limuel Sotto Celebria, one of the founders and the first editor-in-chief of Daily Guardian, as a tribute to one of the most erudite and prolific writers in Iloilo journalism. His articles appeared under two column titles: “Columny,” a play on the word “calumny,” meaning smear; and “Lemonade,” which he used for his later essays.)

A huge saltwater crocodile was captured alive along a creek in Bunawan town, Agusan del Sur last Sunday, according to an Associated Press report over Yahoo! News yesterday.

The 21-feeet long, male crocodile weighed over a ton and it took the strength of some 100 men to pull the croc from the creek into a clearing where a crane lifted it onto a truck. Croc experts said the four-legged menace could be one of the largest of its kind captured alive in this country in recent years.

The AP report said some villagers had seen the croc having a water buffalo (carabao) for lunch last month and was believed to have also caused the disappearance of a fisherman last July. It was not known whether the fishermen also became dinner.

Dreadfully alarmed, the villagers, with the help of experts from Palawan, staged a manhunt, rather, a croc-hunt, to capture the savvy reptile. After three weeks and three traps savaged by the croc, a fourth trap, this time made of steel cables, succeeded in snaring the brute.

Now here’s the catch, instead of giving the croc its just deserts, as the quaint expression goes, town officials are planning to turn the predator into the star of his own eco-tourism park which the town plans to build in tribute to the various species that abound in the Agusan marshland. The town mayor describes the croc-as-star-of-the-eco-park plan as “turning a threat into an asset.”

The croc-in-the-park is so brilliantly inspired it rocks. Since crocs are an endemic species to many parts of this country, the croc park idea (which is, in fact, already fully operational in Palawan) could be replicated and launched all over the country with each municipality, city and province putting up a park that pays full tribute to the wild side of their localities.

For that matter, we should not only consider crocs that habitate our rivers and marshlands, we can be more inspired and imaginative by capturing and encaging crocs that walk on two feet. Unlike the mythical unicorn, the two-legged crocs can be found in such exotic areas as Malacañang, Customs, BIR, Congress and City Hall, to name a few examples where they abound and get a chance to screw the country and each other. This pursuit can certainly be more fun and entertaining to a lot of people. In fact, it could be cathartic for some.

In Iloilo City, for example, we already have a site that is perfectly natural for such a croc-park, the Pavia Housing Project. Now this would be really turning a liability into a great asset, way better than Mayor Jed Mabilog’s plan of disposing the property (for still unknown reasons). We should immediately enclose the property, including the animals that already abound thereat, and start building monuments (perhaps effigies would be more proper since live specimens could be more difficult to harness) to the biggest crooks, er… crocs (past and present) that grew fat on the coffers of city hall.  The park could begin to pay for itself if we charge entrance fees and excise a toll on visitors who would wish to slap, spit, curse, or even throw a rotten egg or tomato on the faces of the crooks, err crocs. The bigger the crook, err croc, the higher the fee.

I’m sure, at the risk of repeating myself, that this exercise can certainly be more fun and entertaining to a lot of people. In fact, it could be cathartic for some.

For the province of Iloilo, there is the old and historic Provincial Jail, which is also very appropriate. Here, Governor Art could round up the lambs and their shepherds for display so that tourists, domestic and foreign, can see how appropriately fattened local officials and their special appointees can become by simply foraging at the capitol treasury. Why lambs, instead of crocs? If you don’t speak Tagalog, don’t bother asking, you’ll never get it.

But of course, there’s a catch. It took the expert croc-hunters’ weeks of great effort and the cooperation of nearly an entire village to catch a brainless brute which only relied on instinct, sheer strength and sharp teeth for survival.

It would be more difficult, if not impossible, to catch crocs of the biped variety. They are more cunning, more vicious, and seldom leave incriminating tracks. They are adept at navigating legal labyrinths and have connections that go all the way to the top of the croc food chain. Often, the crocs have cliques that feed together and watch out for each other.

It took the cooperation of an entire Agusan village to catch a live croc. It will take the cooperation of a populace to rid ourselves of crooks in government. The question is, when do we begin? Or how?