‘You are not obvious’

By Noel Galon de Leon

Happy Pride Month sa gihapon para sa tanan!

One of the things I truly appreciate every Pride Month is witnessing how the presence, voices, and experiences of the LGBTQIA+ community continue to grow stronger in different spaces of society. It is inspiring to see more people gaining the courage to show who they truly are, not because they need to prove their worth to the world, but because more spaces are slowly becoming places where they can exist without fear, shame, or the pressure to hide. In a world that has spent so many years teaching people that being different should be kept private, there is something powerful about seeing individuals openly embrace their identities and recognize that who they are is not something that needs to be corrected, explained, or apologized for.

As a teacher, one of the things that gives me hope is seeing students who are becoming more open about who they are. I am grateful to have students who proudly embrace being gay, lesbian, bisexual, queer, or part of the LGBTQIA+ community. They no longer see their identities as something that should bring embarrassment or shame. Instead, they understand that their identity is a meaningful part of their story, their experiences, and the people they are becoming. I see the importance of creating classrooms where students do not have to pretend, change themselves, or hide parts of who they are just to feel safe and accepted.

Even in the faculty room where I work, the presence and contributions of the LGBTQIA+ community are visible. It is inspiring to witness people who are not only present but are also actively contributing their talents, perspectives, and voices in spaces that may not have always been safe or welcoming for them in the past. Representation matters because it reminds us that being queer is not a limitation to someone’s ability, professionalism, intelligence, or value. Every person who becomes visible challenges old ideas about who deserves to be seen, heard, and respected.

However, while we celebrate visibility, we must also confront an important reality:

Being visible does not mean discrimination has disappeared.

Despite the progress we have made, there are still words and expressions that appear harmless but carry deeper messages. One phrase that deserves closer examination is:

“You are not obvious.”

At first, some people may see this as a compliment. Some may say it with good intentions:

“You do not look gay.”

“It is not obvious that you are queer.”

“You are beautiful, you do not seem LGBTQIA+.”

But when we examine these statements more deeply, we must ask:

If being “not obvious” is considered a compliment, what does that suggest about those who are obvious?

This is where the problem begins.

The issue is not only the words themselves but the belief behind them. When we treat being “not obvious” as something positive, we may unintentionally suggest that there are certain ways of being queer that are more acceptable than others. It creates the idea that LGBTQIA+ people are easier to accept when they can hide, minimize, or control the parts of themselves that do not fit society’s expectations.

This is the silent struggle that many queer people have experienced for generations.

Being “not obvious” has become a way of surviving for many individuals. In a society that has long defined what is considered “normal,” many LGBTQIA+ people have learned to adjust their voices, behaviors, appearances, and expressions to avoid judgment, rejection, or discrimination. Not because they wanted to hide, but because there were moments when being unnoticed felt safer than being seen.

But as acceptance of the LGBTQIA+ community continues to grow, we must ask:

Why does a person still need to be invisible in order to feel safe?

The goal of inclusion should never be to make differences disappear. Acceptance should not only exist when queer people fit within society’s comfort zone or when they express themselves in ways that make others comfortable. True acceptance happens when we recognize and respect the many forms of queerness, from quiet to expressive, from masculine to feminine, from subtle to flamboyant.

Because the problem is not visibility.

The problem is a society that teaches people there is something wrong with being seen.

There are still many statements that reveal this conditional form of acceptance:

“It is okay to be gay, as long as you are not too feminine.”

“I have no problem with lesbians, as long as they do not show it too much.”

“Why are you so proud of being gay?”

“Why do we even need Pride Month?”

At first, these statements may seem like simple opinions. However, when we examine them closely, they reveal a contradiction. Society claims to accept queer identities, but only under certain conditions.

We accept you, as long as you do not become too visible.

We accept you, as long as you do not make us uncomfortable.

We accept you, as long as you do not challenge what we already believe.

But this kind of acceptance is not genuine acceptance.

It is only tolerance.

True acceptance is not based on a person’s ability to adjust themselves so that others feel comfortable. The responsibility should not always fall on LGBTQIA+ individuals to make themselves smaller, quieter, or easier for society to understand. Instead, the responsibility belongs to everyone to create spaces where people do not have to question whether they are allowed to be their authentic selves.

This is why language matters.

The words we use matter.

Not everyone who says “you are not obvious” intends to hurt someone. However, we must understand that the impact of our words can go beyond our intentions. Being sensitive does not mean being afraid to speak. It means being willing to learn, listen, reflect, and challenge the beliefs that society has passed down for generations.

Education also plays a crucial role. In our homes, schools, workplaces, and communities, we must create spaces that do not only allow LGBTQIA+ visibility but also provide genuine respect, dignity, and safety.

This Pride Month, it is not enough to simply say:

“I accept you.”

We must ask:

What kind of acceptance are we offering?

Do we accept queer people because they have learned how to hide certain parts of themselves to make others comfortable?

Or do we accept them because we recognize their complete humanity?

Because queerness is not something that needs to be reduced in order to become acceptable.

The message should not be:

“You are better when you are not obvious.”

The better message is:

“You have value because you are yourself, whether people notice it or not.”

Happy Pride Month.

Let us continue celebrating visibility, but more importantly, let us fight for an acceptance that does not require anyone to hide in order to be loved, respected, and recognized.

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Noel Galon de Leon is a writer and professor at the University of the Philippines Visayas, where he teaches in the Division of Professional Education and at UP High School in Iloilo. He is also the Secretary of the National Commission for Culture and the Arts-National Committee on Literary Arts.