Why It Is Hard for Us to Change

By Engr. Carlos V. Cornejo

Ultimately it boils down to certain beliefs that we stick to and those beliefs are very much tied to our self-identity.  So much so that if some truth is presented to us that requires us to make some change in behavior, even we know that it is the right thing to do, we would not do it.  Why?  Because it means we will have to change how we look on ourselves.  We will have to change our self-identity.  And we would say, “This is not me. I can’t do this.”  That’s why obedience is tough to do sometimes.  And that’s why humility is important.  Humility tells us personally we are wrong and this thing they advise us is right.  That’s why saying sorry is not easy as well and it takes courage because we have to give up ourself and our ego.  It all boils down to pride, selfishness or an exaggerated opinion of oneself.  Humility is seeing the truth in ourselves.  Thus, knowing thyself is the greatest wisdom.  Or rather knowing the truth in ourselves is the greatest wisdom.  That’s why humility is equal to wisdom.  It is knowing who we really are; especially in front of God that we are all sinners in need of forgiveness and salvation.

The obstacle to our growth is our ego or more specifically our bias thinking for the need to be always right.  At times this happens when we encounter something that contradicts our held on “beliefs”. We tend to fight off that counter belief without bothering to find out the real truth. We need to be open minded and be ready to be corrected to gain character growth.  Thus, a good lesson here is instead of sticking to our lifelong “beliefs” we should pursue passionately what is true.  From this we don’t have to frown and run away from disagreements or discussion with others.  You can now look at it as a way to see the point of view of others and share your own point of view and get to discover the truth on things.  This is much like the same principle on disagreements during office meetings.  Disagreements on ideas and policies are fine as long as we don’t get personal about it, or we are not attached to those ideas of ours, if there is a better one presented.  We should encourage opposition to our ideas because it helps us see a problem that might not have been detected. If all guys attending an office meeting are just “yes” men for example or they would always just agree with what you propose then you might overlook things that could be fatal to a project.  If you acknowledge the point of view of others, you get to view the world in technicolor instead of just black and white.

Second, we have to acknowledge our blind spots.  We all have blind spots because we are not perfect and are limited.  At times we can’t see that we have a flat tire in our car and others have to point it out to us.  There are people who are good in seeing the big picture and others the small details.  Others are creative but not reliable with outputs in work and others are reliable but not creative.  We are just wired differently.  Thus, the best practice here is to learn from others.  Because we won’t have enough time in our life to experience all events that we could learn from.  It’s good to learn from the experiences of others and that’s why we need to read more books because books narrate to us their experiences.  If we do these two principles then it will help us make the best decisions in life possible.