What True Friendship Is

By Fr. Roy Cimagala

TO be sure, true friendship is not just a matter of enjoying each other’s company, sharing things in common or just having a good time. All of these are presumed in friendship. But a friend through and through would go much farther than that, since it will always have charity as the main and ultimate driver of his relationship with his friend.

In other words, true friendship cannot be separated from charity. Without charity, any appearance of friendship would only be just that—an appearance that lacks the real substance. It remains in the superficial level, and cannot survive the many challenges and trials of life. It’s only good for some time, under some favorable conditions. It wilts when the unavoidable differences and conflicts among us take place.

True friendship has a universal scope. It can include enemies. Said in another way, with true friendship, there will be no enemies. And even those who consider themselves as enemies would be treated with utmost care and affection. True friendship works in all seasons and in all conditions.

We have to rediscover the authentic face of friendship. As social beings, we can never be alone, we need others. In fact, we have to be open to the ideal of being friends with everyone.

Yes, even our enemies, in a certain sense, should be our friends, because Christ himself told us to love our enemies. “If you love them that love you, what reward shall you have?” he said. “Do not publicans do that…Be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect.” (Mt 5,46-48)

We need to polish always our skills of making friends, starting with those details that foster closeness—greeting, smiling, spending time together, saying some nice, positive words—to the more demanding ones—flexibility to different types of characters and situations, dominating our bad humor, etc.

The warmth and glow proper of friendship should be readily seen and felt. It need not be showy, of course. But by and large, there is kind of heightening of feelings and desire involved in it.

We have to know how to enter into meaningful dialogue especially when certain issues divide us. Each one should try to understand the others, listening to their reasons of the others, trying to see things the way the others see them.

As persons and children of God, our friendship should go all the way to the spiritual and supernatural level. It has to go beyond, but never discard, the natural or human level. Friendship has to develop into apostolate, far beyond the dynamics of blood or social relations.

It just cannot remain in the natural level, given the way we are, who have been created in God’s image and likeness. It has to be theological, since our relation with others should channel the relation that the three persons in one God have among themselves, as well as the relation Christ, the pattern of our humanity, has towards everyone.

We should develop this friendship using both human and supernatural means. Friendship has to be based on faith and love for God. It should begin and end in God. Of course, given our human condition, this ideal will be reached in stages, with a lot of drama. But in the end, God should be the seed and fruit of friendship.

We have to start training ourselves in this kind of friendship as early as possible.

            Email: roycimagala@gmail.com