The unwritten code

By Herman M. Lagon

We live in a world quietly guided by invisible rules—those unspoken cues we’re never formally taught, yet somehow instinctively follow. They don’t show up in manuals or school syllabi, but they shape our days just the same. These quiet norms make life a little less awkward, a little more respectful. In a world often loud and messy, they offer a kind of soft structure—a shared rhythm to keep us moving together.

Picture this: you’re in a packed elevator, and someone reaches across to press the button for your floor. You nod, smile, maybe say, “Salamat.” It’s a quick, quiet exchange—but in that moment, there’s grace. It’s not just politeness; it’s connection. In our culture, saying thank you isn’t just about manners—it’s about acknowledging effort, no matter how small. It says, “I see you, and what you did matters.”

Complimenting someone’s appearance is another tricky but meaningful dance. We’ve all hesitated—wanting to say something nice but unsure how it’ll come across. In Filipino culture, we’re often taught: if it’s not kind or sincere, better to say nothing. But when you mean it, a simple “Gwapa ka subong” (You look lovely today) can change someone’s whole mood. It doesn’t take much to uplift.

Now, let’s talk about lines. Whether you’re at a bank, a bakery, or just craving Jollibee, everyone knows—cutting the line is a major no-no. The queue is sacred. It’s where we’re all equals, no matter what. So when someone breaks that flow, a calm “Excuse me, ikaw ang sunod” is more than enough. No need for drama—just a gentle reminder that fairness matters.

Then there’s personal space. We all value it, even if we don’t always admit it. Whether it’s someone peeking at your phone on the jeep, hovering too close at work, or sharing private messages from a chat they weren’t even part of—boundaries get crossed. Respecting space, whether digital or physical, isn’t being cold. It’s being considerate.

At work, it gets even trickier. We blur lines between colleague and confidant. But just because someone laughs at your weekend stories doesn’t mean they want every detail. Oversharing can be exhausting. Save the deep dives for barkada nights or safe spaces. In the workplace, less can truly be more.

And public transport? It’s where character shows. When an elderly person, pregnant woman, or someone juggling a child steps in—no questions, no hesitation—you give up your seat. You just do. It’s a quiet kindness we Filipinos know by heart. No signs needed. It’s how we honor dignity without words.

Interrupting someone is another habit we underestimate. We do it when we’re excited or in a rush—but it often sends the wrong message: “What I have to say is more important.” Letting others finish is more than polite. It’s a reflection of pakikipagkapwa—our deep value of seeing and respecting others as fellow humans.

Returning borrowed things might seem minor—a pen, a book, a charger. But doing it promptly and in good shape tells the other person, “I didn’t forget you.” These small acts build trust. They show character.

And yes, even in public restrooms, there are rules. Flush. Aim well. Keep it clean. No one needs to post a sign to remind us. Respecting shared spaces isn’t fussy—it’s basic decency. It’s about making things better for the person who comes after.

These unwritten codes won’t earn you medals, but they matter. They’re not about being perfect—they’re about being present. About noticing. About doing small things that ripple into something bigger. Holding the door. Saying thanks. Returning what you borrowed. Giving someone space. These aren’t grand gestures—but they’re what keep communities kind.

So the next time you’re in a crowded jeep, a long line, or a tense conversation, pause. Look around. Maybe hold that door, offer that seat, or let someone finish their thought. You don’t need a manual to do the right thing. Most of the time, you just need a little awareness—and a lot of heart.

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Doc H fondly describes himself as a “student of and for life” who, like many others, aspires to a life-giving and why-driven world grounded in social justice and the pursuit of happiness. His views do not necessarily reflect those of the institutions he is employed or connected with.