The Danger of Comparing Ourselves with Others

By Fr. Roy Cimagala

THIS danger is illustrated in that gospel episode where “the disciples of John approached Jesus and said, ‘Why do we and the Pharisees fast much, but your disciples do not fast?” (Mt 9,14)

And Christ simply responded: “Can the wedding guests mourn as long as the bridegroom is with them? The days will come when the bridegroom is taken away from them, and then they will fast.” (Mt 9,15)

We have to be wary of this danger of comparing ourselves with others which is actually what is known as envy. It’s one of the most insidious anomalies that gives us the uneasy feeling that others are better than us in some respects.

We can even be envious of others who we know are doing evil and yet appear to be having a better time than us. Or it can come as a result of some personal frustrations, defeats and losses while others appear to only have successes and victories. We fail to realize that right from the start we already enjoy the highest dignity since we have been made as God’s image and likeness. Envy really has no place in or life.

The likelihood of envy to come to our life and its character have been described a number of times in some biblical passages like, “For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.” (James 3,16) “You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel.” (James 4,2)

Still more: “For you are still of the flesh. For while there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not of the flesh and behaving only in a human way?” (1 Cor 3,3) “Jealousy makes a man furious, and he will not spare when he takes revenge.” (Proverbs 6,34)

Envy is usually accompanied by sadness and sometimes by hatred, anger, bad thoughts and impulses of revenge, fault-finding and bitter zeal. It comes as a result of comparing oneself with others without God in the middle. The standards used are highly subjective and restrictive.

What makes it worse is that it is something internal, usually suffered in private, quite hidden, and therefore hard to be corrected by oneself or by others. To cover it up some more, especially when one suspects that others are already detecting it, one usually uses all kinds of pretension and the ways of hypocrisy.

A nasty sense of insecurity bogs him. There’s usually a see-sawing attitude of liking and disliking, or the liking is somehow accompanied by a trace of dislike, a pinch of discomfort. One is not totally at peace when envy assails him.

Yes, envy is a very unfortunate thing to happen to anyone because it is a pure waste of time and energy. And because of it, many good opportunities that one can have are often missed. Of course, the worst effect is that one’s soul gets corrupted and can get completely wrapped up in his own miserable self-made world. He suffers alone.

We have to slay envy everytime it makes us its port of call. We have to let it know immediately that it is unwelcome. And the way to do it is to go to Christ immediately, praying, sacrificing, and reminding ourselves of Christ’s example and teaching.

We need to remember that we are all brothers and sisters in Christ, however we are placed and situated in life. Not everyone can be bright, talented, successful, etc. Some have to do the menial job, take care of the little things, be at the background.

Email: roycimagala@gmail.com