The art of effective communication

By Engr. Carlos V. Cornejo

This was from a talk by one of my favorite self-help gurus, Brian Tracy.  He started off by saying, “The quality of your life is largely determined, among many other things, by the quality of your communication.”  I agree with him since good relationships is rooted in good communications. If there is a problem of communicating with one another, there will be a problem in relating to each other.  This is so, especially in marriage.

In your place of work, your success is also determined by how communicate or how you get your message across.  Brian says even if you are working in a highly technical workplace, you would still spend 70% of your time interacting with others.

First, he makes mention of two forms of communications. One is interpersonal communication which is how you talk to yourself, or how you think and plan with yourself.  And the second is how you interact with others.  One affects the other.  If you want to improve for example your articulateness in speaking or writing English, think and talk to yourself in English and not in your native language.  And communicating well can be attained as you try to improve yourself over time.

Second, there are seven parts to a conversation.  Words, only comprise 7% of the message.  People forget what you say, but they will remember the way you said it.  That’s the first part.  The second part is the tone of your voice.  People will remember 38% of what you said based on the tone of your message.  And if you are on the phone, it accounts 80% of your message.  If you want to come across as friendly, warm, reassuring, intimate, and caring when you speak keep your voice in the lower range where the deeper sounds are.  The lower and middle tones are also effective when you reason out with a person and still come out thoughtful, and caring.

Third, it would be good also to talk slowly.  You would not come across as thoughtful, warm and intimate if you talk fast.  Most of us tend to slow down naturally when we are expressing our deeper emotions, except anger.  When we slow down, our voice becomes lower and more gentle.   Influential people speak more slowly with lower tones, and they pause deliberately which gives their words power and people pay more attention to them.

Fourth, an important gesture is your body language.  Your body language can give you away.  Your partner would surely know the difference when you are asked for example, “Do you love me?” and reply in a rather quick “Sure, I love you” instead of a synchronized tone, words and body that deeply says, “Yes, I love you”.  That’s why it’s important when talking to someone to turn to them and face them directly because it sends a message that you have my full attention and that I care about what you are saying.

Fifth is ethos.  Ethos means character or credibility.  A person who has high character can say little but can be enormously influential.  Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “What you are shouts at me so loudly, I can’t hear a word you are saying.”  St. Mother Teresa did not speak English well, yet her words carried a lot of weight.  This would mean we need to develop our character and reputation if we want others to listen to what we say.

Sixth is pathos.  Pathos means emotion.  We need to connect with emotions to the person or persons we are talking with.  It means we tune in to their problems and their needs instead of focusing on our problems and our needs.  Communication is more of caring and fulfilling the needs of others.

And lastly, logos which means words or the content of your conversation.  It is the least among the last three parts.  When selling a product or service for example, you try to establish rapport which shows your character to the customer, then you seek the underlying problem of the client which is the pathos, and last would be the logos which is when you talk about the features of your product or service.  Credibility or character and emotional connection have to be established first, before you can convince your client of your product.