‘Stateside’

By Raoul Suarez

“Ara ka na dira gali sa abroad, Nene? Stateside ka na gali! Sapatos lang akon ah o basi may extra ka da maskin five thousand lang. Patilawa man ta sang kinitaan mo.”

It’s funny how some people can be shameless jerks just to score some cash or aid from their relatives who live and work abroad. They even have the gall and the audacity to add their successful relatives on Facebook that they have only met once or not at all just so they can abuse them. They would start asking for money with the introductory line “kumusta?” and followed up with a “basi pwede ko da ka… (a. hulam, b. utang. c. pangayo)” with the objective to milk them of their hard-earned money and no plans to pay them back. Then they would start whining and telling sad stories to keep on getting dole-outs. The cycle never ends and if it does, they play the victim card.

Listen here, you pataygutom.

Your relatives who work abroad are not piggy banks that you can just break open when you need the money. They did not go there to become your “karabaw” that plows all the cash just in case you need it or to finance your vices. They are not charitable institutions that help the impoverished. They are also trying to earn their bread. They are not the government and are not required to give you dole-outs. Fix your mindset.

“Dollar-earner ka na dira gali. Nami man tani katilaw dollars ba. Pasalubong lang dira akon ah o ikaw na bahala magpa-okasyon magpuli ka di.”

They are also paying for rent, food, clothing, and other expenses in dollars or in the currency being used in the country that they are in. They have to deal with the cost of living. They also have to thrive and survive the rigorous work conditions in a foreign land.

They are not obligated to hold a birthday party for you, your siblings, or your children. It is up to them and within their discretion if they want to give you some money to spend or not. When they hold parties, you are not entitled to “pamutos” the food they have prepared for their guests before the party starts. You should wait for your turn and ask permission from them. You are not eligible to take home what they have prepared for the occasion unless they told you so and you should be thankful that they even thought of inviting you as a guest.

Also, no, they don’t have an obligation to bring you a pasalubong. They have no obligation to invite you to outings when they come home and spend their hard-earned money on vacations. If you are not part of that Boracay trip, then shut your mouth and feed your mind. They have their own reasons why they did not invite you and it isn’t your money that they will be spending. Stop whining. “Nag-asenso lang siya gamay daw grabe na siya dayon.” Well, it is not your problem. You should, at the very least, be thankful that they are holding up quite well and are not impoverished which means that they won’t pester you with their financial woes anytime soon. They worked hard for what they have now. Give them a break. They deserve it. Fix your mindset.

“Grabe man si Nene daw dalok-dalok gid sa manggad niya. Daw indi gid magpahulam o maghatag sa parente niya nga pigado. Pigado na gani kami daw indi gid magbulig. Ahaw laptop lang gid akon napangayo para sa bata ko.”

Is it your relative’s fault why you are poor? Are they the cause of your poverty or is it because you made poor life choices when you had a lot of chances to improve your living conditions? The answer is pretty obvious and truth can always hit you hard.

You are not entitled to anything anyone earns. It’s not your money. You did not work for it. They do not owe you a cent. They are not obligated to feed the children that you chose to have. It is your sole responsibility as a parent to your children. They are not required to provide for your needs. They also have needs of their own. To call them stingy or “kuripot” because they want to hold on to their money only makes you an entitled “pataygutom.”

There is nothing wrong with being poor. Having no dignity, on the other hand, is a different story. Being a pataygutom and a patayhuya is wrong. Help yourself. Fix your life. Fix your mindset.