Sorrow vs. sadness

By Fr. Roy Cimagala

ON the Memorial of Our Lady of Sorrows, liturgically celebrated on September 15 that immediately follows the celebration of the Feast of the Exaltation of the Holy Cross, we are reminded, with the help of Our Lady, about the distinction between sorrow and sadness that can befall us anytime.

It is important that we know this distinction so that we would also know how to handle these two conditions that definitely can significantly affect our lives. First of all, we should realize that we are meant to be joyful always, irrespective of how things go. And this can only take place if we truly are with Christ who said:

“If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and your joy may be complete.” (Jn 15,10-11)

We need to see to it that we manage to be with joy, the joy of Christ, especially when we encounter the unavoidable suffering in this life. Joy is actually what is proper to us. This is where the distinction between sadness and sorrow can be made.

St. Thomas Aquinas once said that “sadness is a vice caused by a disordered self-love, and this self-love is not a special vice, but the general root of the vices.” We need to distinguish it from sorrow which is a kind of low feeling over the loss of someone or something or over some negative and difficult conditions that we can have. But it’s a low feeling that does not take away the joy of being with Christ.

That is why there can still be joy in suffering, in the cross, if we only know how to be with Christ in those situations. This is when we can be in sorrow but not in sadness. The former still has joy while the latter has lost it. With Christ, and with Our Lady who fully identified herself with her Son, we can manage to find meaning and the assurance of redemption, in suffering and all the way to death. We can still manage to have joy.

The challenge for us is how to be with Christ and with our Lady whenever we encounter difficulties and other negative conditions in our life. Yes, we can find joy in suffering only if we identify ourselves with Christ. With him, suffering becomes an act of selfless love that can take on anything. With him, suffering loses its purely negative and painful character, and assumes the happy salvific character.

We need to process this truth of our faith thoroughly, always asking for God’s grace and training all our powers and faculties to adapt to this reality. That’s why Christ told us clearly that if we want to follow him, we simply have to deny ourselves, carry the cross and follow him. There’s no other formula, given our wounded human condition.

This self-denial and carrying of Christ’s cross will enable us to see that suffering is obviously the consequence of all our sins—ours and those of others. Embracing suffering the way Christ embraced his cross unites our suffering with the redemptive suffering of Christ.

Our motive for it is like that of Christ. It’s the desire to conquer that suffering and ultimately our death through his death and resurrection. It’s obeying God’s will just like Christ obeyed his Father’s will. “Not my will but yours be done.”

This is where we can be in sorrow but not in sadness.

Email: roycimagala@gmail.com