Satirical Blind Item: A ‘Worthy’ Tax Affair

By The Sunriser

Word around town is that one city has managed to turn tax hikes into its hottest inflationary trend, outpacing the entire country by a mile.

This city’s officials say they’re committed to raising revenues for public good, but it seems they missed the memo on gradual increases.

Residents are scratching their heads, wondering if there’s some secret competition to see just how much a single property tax hike can inflate the price of rent.

Spoiler alert: It’s a lot.

Rumor has it, this city’s property owners have started viewing tenants like ATMs—just tap, and presto, extra cash for those pesky new tax bills.

Renters, meanwhile, are making sacrifices they never expected, such as “optional groceries” and “living without lights.”

And with minimum wage set to rise, landlords might need to consider installing premium features like “optional roofs” or “shared walls” just to meet the coming demand for extra funds.

Even businesses are feeling the heat, with whispers that some may soon only exist in nostalgia if no relief is granted for the simultaneous wage hike.

Business owners might just want to set up a lemonade stand to recoup costs—although with this inflation, we’re betting they’ll need to charge PHP 500 per glass.

To top it off, it seems these “unavoidable” economic pressures have inspired a kind of magical thinking among city planners.

They’re convinced that growth will still skyrocket… just as soon as every citizen signs up for the “Higher Tax Fund: Inflation Edition.”

One thing’s for sure: inflation may be the only thing more reliable than the weather in this city, where the only predictable thing is the next spike in the cost of simply existing.

***

Kudos to Kevin!

In our usual editorial restraint, this column rarely hands out praise or tributes, reserving them only for those who have made a substantial impact and truly merit recognition.

Today, we make a very rare exception for Kevin Pison Piamonte, a figure whose work in Philippine cinema has consistently broken new ground; someone whose dedication to the arts has not only garnered national and international acclaim but has also contributed immensely to the cultural tapestry of the Philippines.

Direk Kevin as he’s fondly known, stands among the nominees for Best Short Movie Director of the Year at the 39th PMPC Star Awards for Movies for his film Dog Eaters. This recognition from the Philippine Movie Press Club (PMPC) is just the latest milestone in Piamonte’s illustrious journey, and we could not be prouder of his achievement.

Piamonte’s filmography reflects a deep commitment to storytelling rooted in Filipino experiences, particularly those of the Visayan community. His notable works include SOLO, which won Best Short Film at the 69th FAMAS Awards in 2021, and Land from God, a documentary that brought him to international platforms like the Busan International Film Festival.

His films, such as Waiting Shed, Baboy Talunon (Wild Boar), and Bukog (Fish Bone), delve into narratives that capture the raw, often unspoken aspects of Filipino life. Each piece is crafted with a perspective that honors the struggles, dreams, and spirit of ordinary Filipinos, making his stories resonate deeply with audiences.

Beyond cinema, Piamonte has made significant contributions to Philippine theater. His works, including Panayanon: The Epics of Panay for the National Commission for Culture and the Arts and his adaptation of the neo-sarswela Juanita Cruz at the Cultural Center of the Philippines, reflect his dedication to preserving and uplifting Filipino heritage. His name has become synonymous with projects that explore and honor Filipino identity, often spotlighting the richness of Visayan culture.

Piamonte’s journey began at the University of the Philippines, where he first studied Applied Physics before embracing the arts. He honed his craft with mentors like National Artist Tony Mabesa and later earned his master’s in English Language Teaching from the University of Warwick in England. Today, as an educator at UP Visayas, he continues to inspire the next generation of artists and cultural advocates, embodying his mantra of “creating art that matters.”

This nomination at the PMPC Star Awards reaffirms Direk Kevin’s place among the finest in Philippine cinema. It is a well-deserved nod to his tireless work, commitment to authentic storytelling, and unwavering dedication to the arts. We extend our warmest congratulations to Direk Kevin Piamonte, a true artist whose work not only entertains but also enlightens and preserves our cultural heritage. May his success inspire others to pursue art that serves a greater purpose.