Sara’s ‘Ultimate Hitman Move’: The Nation Reacts

By The Sunriser

Vice President Sara Duterte might have just redefined “loyal opposition” with her recent revelation that she would allegedly hire an assassin to off President Ferdinand Marcos Jr., First Lady Liza Araneta-Marcos, and House Speaker Martin Romualdez. Forget the confidential funds—this is confidential fury on display.

Political analysts, lawyers, and your chatty neighborhood sari-sari store regulars are now debating: Is this grounds for a lawsuit, impeachment, or just a stern “time out” from public office? Let’s break it down without going full parody—Sara herself has already cornered the market on hyperbole.

Legal Gymnastics: A Nation Does the Limbo

Department of Justice (DOJ) Undersecretary Jesse Hermogenes Andres declared Sara isn’t immune from lawsuits. “She can face criminal or administrative cases, and the Ombudsman can investigate her as a high-ranking official,” Andres clarified. Whether they’ll actually do so, however, is another story. After all, political accountability in the Philippines is as elusive as finding affordable onions last year.

Lawyer Michael Henry Yusingco, ever the realist, pointed out that the vice president might soon face a plunder case for her confidential funds caper. “If this doesn’t qualify as betrayal of public trust, I don’t know what does,” he quipped. “Maybe asking a hitman to take out the President is the new definition of ‘serving the people.’”

But wait—here comes Eldrid Antiquiera with his 1973 Constitution flashback. His argument? Vice presidents might inherit immunity from the 1987 Constitution’s ambiguity. By this logic, perhaps the laws are so old-school that they come with a disco ball and bell-bottoms.

And then there’s Romulo Macalintal, who hinted that impeachable officials should only be removed via—you guessed it—impeachment. “Why sue, when you can form a congressional circus instead?” he didn’t say but probably thought. After all, every Filipino knows that impeachment cases double as primetime telenovelas.

House of Resolutions: Condemn First, Question Later

The House of Representatives wasted no time passing a resolution to “unwaveringly and unqualifiedly” support the President and Romualdez. Iloilo City Representative Julienne Baronda, in a dramatic pivot, took to the rostrum to express shock and disappointment.

“These remarks are alarming and a clear disregard for institutional authority,” Baronda said, a statement she managed to deliver without laughing, despite having been one of Duterte’s ardent 2022 election supporters. That’s the magic of Philippine politics: the only thing more flexible than alliances are the principles behind them.

Baronda reminded everyone of the sacred “rule of law” and how it applies equally to all—except, apparently, when those “all” have confidential funds or access to assassins. But don’t worry, she assured us that public trust would prevail as long as we embrace “transparency and accountability.” Meanwhile, transparency and accountability were last seen boarding a flight to an undisclosed location.

Jerry Treñas: Iloilo’s ‘Voice of Reason’

Enter Iloilo City Mayor Jerry Treñas, who played adult in the room, called for peace between the warring Marcos-Duterte factions. “Our role as leaders is to resolve differences peacefully,” he said, perhaps imagining both camps sitting down over some batchoy instead of political grenades. Also reminds us of how he forced a zona libre in Iloilo City to seamlessly pass his crown to his offspring.

Treñas’ optimism is admirable, but considering the House of Representatives recently went into lockdown after Sara’s chief of staff caused a scene, peaceful resolutions might just be wishful thinking over pancit molo.

Confidential Chaos: The Hitman Chronicles

Sara Duterte’s November 22 surprise visit to the House of Representatives—where she “indefinitely” camped out to defend her embattled chief of staff, Zuleika Lopez—sparked even more drama. Not content with mere disruptions, Sara locked herself in her brother’s office, bypassed security, and demanded redecoration. This wasn’t a Vice Presidential Office; it was “Home Alone: Philippine Edition.”

And then, the pièce de résistance: her shocking press conference. “If something happens to me, I’ve got a hitman ready to take out the President,” she said, flashing that trademark Duterte swagger. Marcos Jr., meanwhile, has reportedly increased his security detail, possibly rethinking his decision to run with Sara in 2022.

Satirical Yet Serious: A Country on the Edge

The nation watches this saga unfold with a mix of amusement, horror, and confusion. After all, where else but the Philippines can you see a vice president casually admit to plotting assassinations while her supporters debate her legal immunity?

As the Duterte-Marcos drama escalates, one thing is clear: Philippine politics is never dull. It’s just unfortunate that “entertaining” is not the same as “good governance.”