Proper Relation Between Parents and Children

By Fr. Roy Cimagala

IN his Letter to the Ephesians, St. Paul describes what the proper Christian relation is between parents and children, between masters and servants. (cfr. 6,1-9) “Honor your father and mother,” he said. “This is the first commandment with a promise, that it may go well with you and that you may have a long life on earth.” And to the fathers, he said, “Do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up with the training and instruction of the Lord.”

We have to understand that parents are our first connection with God since it is through them that God created us. They are the first representative of God to us. They are the first ones to have authority over us in this world. And they exercise that authority with such tenderness and affection that we do not even realize that authority is exercised over us. We are not even aware that we are obeying and following them, especially when we are still very small.

Parents should then realize that their authority is no laughing matter at all. Their authority over us is always a participation in the authority of God as St. Paul once said. (cfr. Rom 13,1) They have to be aware that they have to exercise their authority the way God would exercise it over us.

Children should realize that since their parents gave birth to them and put them to life, their authority over them has a wider and deeper coverage than that of the other authorities in the world.

Parents have to realize that their authority over their children does not spring simply because of their biological relation to us. That’s because from that biological basis arise many other and more important aspects of their authority. It’s not limited to the physical, material, emotional. It goes to the spiritual and supernatural aspects of our life.

Thus, parents as the first authority to their children are also their first teachers. And they teach their children not only how to smile, speak, walk, eat properly, especially when we are still small, but also how to think, reason out, react and behave in the different situations in life as children grow up.

But there is one aspect of their being teachers to their children that they should be ready to carry out. And that is to teach the children how to develop their spiritual life, how to be not only truly human but also truly Christian, a firm believer and lover of God and of everyone else.

More than the schools and the churches, more than the teachers and priests and nuns, who only play a subsidiary and supporting role in the education and formation of children, it is the parents who should help their children acquire the spiritual and supernatural life proper to all of us.

As far as the children are concerned, they are duty-bound to honor and love their parents. St. Paul already spoke clearly about this duty: “Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do.” (Eph 6,1) And, “Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.” (Col 3,20)

Children should try their best to make their parents happy all the time. They should avoid as much as possible to give them problems, especially the unnecessary ones. They should be quick to lend a hand in the house chores. They should prepare themselves for the time when they will have to take care of their parents in their old age.

Email: roycimagala@gmail.com