‘Picks’

By Raoul Suarez

She came to see me today. The relationship has been on and off for quite some time. I have been used to it. I don’t really mind. Sometimes you have to give people the space that they need. You have to let them do their thing once in a while. The need to possess is not a sign of maturity. That’s what they say. Time. Space. A little freedom. Love is like that. It’s what it’s supposed to be.

She sat down and looked at me intently. She said she already made a choice. She said she had already thought about it for quite a while. She was caught between the love that would last her a lifetime and the security that came with financial stability; you seldom get to have it all. It’s one or the other most of the time. Sometimes you even get none so she opted to take a shot at picking one than losing out on both.

It was tough. That’s what she said. It was a hard choice to make. That’s what she uttered. She held both her hands close to her chest while she stared at the ceiling for quite some time, then she fixed her gaze to where I was seated.

That sparkle in her eyes. That coy smile. The answer was apparent. The choice was clear. I was never wrong about a lot of things when it came to her. I knew her like the back of my hand. I couldn’t be wrong about this one. I sat there and waited; like I always have. It was always worth it. She was always worth it.

She bowed her head a little, and then she mouthed a sad “goodbye” while she cried tears that I wanted to wipe, but I was frozen in sheer disbelief and it was so hard to move. Suddenly, it felt as if everything was on mute. Just plain expressions. Just movements and gestures in slow motion. There was no other sound but the noise made by the shattered pieces of my heart hitting the floor; playing on repeat.

I heard the door close and it broke the awkward silence. I was alone again. She’s gone. She was never coming back. She already made her pick. Sometimes you end up as the choice. Sometimes you end up as the option. It is what it is. The picking was done.

It was good while it lasted. Love’s been good to me for a time. We’ve had our ups and downs.  We had a lot of fun.  Now it’s just me, a pen, a piece of paper, and a loaded gun.