Mayor’s War on Profanity Skips City Hall’s Greatest Hits

By The Sunriser

TRIGGER WARNING: THIS IS A SATIRE. REACT AT YOUR OWN RISK.

In a stunning display of selective moral outrage, Iloilo City Mayor Jerry Treñas has launched a crusade against public profanity – carefully excluding his own greatest hits collection from the scrutiny.

The mayor, exhibiting Olympic-level moral gymnastics, expressed deep concern over singer Juan Karlos Labajo’s use of expletives during a Dinagyang Festival concert. This comes from the same official whose council meeting vocabularies have reportedly made veteran sailors seek alternative careers.

“We must protect the sanctity of our religious festival,” declared Treñas, momentarily forgetting his own elaborate contributions to the city’s linguistic diversity during heated moments. His office swiftly ordered the removal of a food stall’s tarpaulin for containing language suspiciously similar to what echoes through city hall during budget seasons. Kudos to that, seriously.

Local linguists are now studying a fascinating phenomenon where identical words can simultaneously threaten moral fabric and serve as standard political discourse, depending entirely on whether they’re uttered on stage or behind a government desk.

The mayor’s righteous stand has puzzled festival-goers, particularly those who recall his memorable media interview where he enhanced a former foreign affairs secretary’s job description with several creative adjectives that wouldn’t make it past any newspaper’s editorial desk (they did because it was social media fodder).

Sources confirm that while Labajo’s controversial moments were largely audience-driven call-and-response interactions, the mayor’s verbal artistry springs from a purely organic, free-range source of righteous indignation. “It’s different when we do it,” explained one city hall insider, who requested anonymity to avoid becoming the subject of the mayor’s next vocabulary exercise.

The administration is reportedly contemplating actions against the singer, right after they finish installing “Do as I say, not as I do” signs around city hall. Insiders suggest the upcoming “Clean Language Initiative” may include a special exemption clause for elected officials during budget deliberations and election seasons.

One astute observer noted: “When you point one finger at others, three fingers point back at you – and in this case, they’re all making interesting gestures that would probably violate the mayor’s new standards.”

Meanwhile, local wits have proposed installing a swear jar in city hall, though concerns exist about it potentially solving the city’s budget constraints within a single council meeting.

The situation has left citizens wondering whether the real threat to religious sanctity might not be a concert’s crowd-driven chants, but rather the creative linguistics regularly deployed in service of public administration.

As the dust settles on this latest moral crusade, one thing becomes clear: in the noble pursuit of appearing lily-white, some politicians might want to check their own vocabulary first. After all, it’s rather challenging to wage war on profanity while simultaneously serving as its most prolific ambassador.

The mayor’s office has yet to comment on whether this newfound linguistic purity will extend to future council meetings, or if it will remain conveniently contained to events outside city hall’s hallowed halls.