Managing life’s transitions

By Engr. Carlos V. Cornejo

This was from a talk given by Christine Hong in Harvard Business School in Boston to help students who just moved in from another country adjust to studying in the U.S.  The tips she gave can be applied to anyone moving in to another country.  Christine moved nine times in nine different countries and said each transition was always difficult.  You can cushion the hardships by following her advice on what mindset to have when transferring to a different environment with her 3R’s:  Recalibrate, Reframe and Reach Out.

Recalibrate

When you move in to another country, usually for a better life or greener pasture, you go there with high expectations.  High expectations of course because it is supposed to be a more developed country than your home country or your previous one.  But the culture and attitude of the people might surprise you; surprise you on the negative side.  The unpleasant surprises could outnumber the pleasant ones.  So as not to get frustrated it might be better before moving in to another country to think hard about those expectations of yours and include the negative ones.  When you include expecting bad things and prepare for them as best as you could, then moving in won’t be that hard.

Reframe

When Christine worked in Korea fresh from college, her boss was rough on giving feedback about her work.  She would go to the bathroom and cry there every time her boss would correct her.   Fortunately, she had an office mate with a heart of gold by the name of Meredith who followed her in the bathroom and told her, “Look Christine, things are hard because you are growing (in your career).  Yes, it’s uncomfortable and yes, it is painful but only because you are taking on bigger things in life.”  Carol Dweck the famous author of the book “Growth Mindset” which I wrote about in another article said that these tough situations in life are the ingredients that makes us grow and thrive afterwards when we take on these painful transitions.  We all have that fortitude and strength to undergo difficult conditions once we reframe and accept them as growth pains.

Reach Out

What usually amplifies our anxieties and loss of control when moving in to a new place, is we think we are the only one having those negative feelings.   Even the most confident among us would still feel anxious when adjusting to a totally different atmosphere.  The remedy is to look for “kababayan” Filipinos who moved in ahead of you and get their advice. You will feel relieved that they too experienced the same thing.  Once you learn from their notes of experience, you will get a boost of confidence and even feel you can take on any challenge this new environment can throw at you.   Just opening up of your fears and anxieties releases the tension in you that even if you don’t get any advice, you can feel that half of your problems are solved.   But usually, you do get an advice. There will always be friends around who can assist if you are willing to look for them and befriend them.  Such is the power of opening up and the such is the power of friendships.