Magic words

By Engr. Carlos V. Cornejo

Certain words have more impact than others. They’re better at changing minds, engaging audiences, and driving action. What are these magic words, and how can we take advantage of their power?  This guaranteed best-seller book, “Magic Words:  What to Say to Get Your Way” by Jonah Berger will tell us.

For example, there’s one word that will double your chances of banishing a bad habit, another word will calm your nerves before a big performance or difficult conversation and a category of words that will get people to do the right thing.  Let’s find out what those words are.

I ‘Don’t’

In 2010, two consumer psychologists set out to test how well this four‐letter word enhanced dieters’ ability to resist a delicious chocolate bar. At the start of their experiment, they told half of the participants to think “I can’t” when tempted by comfort food (e.g.: “I can’t eat chocolate cake.”). They instructed the other half of the participants to use “I don’t” self‐talk (e.g.: “I don’t eat chocolate cake.”). Saying “I don’t” instead of “I can’t” seems like a minor substitution, but after each participant completed a survey, they were offered a chocolate bar on their way out of the building and twice as many “I don’t” participants turned down the chocolate bar than the “I can’t” participants.

Saying “I can’t” can make it feel like outside forces are controlling you – “I can’t go out tonight because my wife will get mad at me,” or “I can’t have that cheeseburger because my doctor wants me to avoid fast food.” But saying “I don’t” moves the locus of control inward and heightens your feeling of autonomy.

Leverage the power of “I don’t” by reflecting on three things you did yesterday that you want to change. Then, write out and repeat three “I don’t” statements using the magic words “because” and “choose to.” For example: “I don’t make excuses and skip workouts because I choose to prioritize my health and well‐being.” Adding “because” and providing a reason, even a trivial one, is proven to make a directive more persuasive and less prone to resistance. Adding “choose to” further enhances your sense of autonomy.

‘You’

If you encounter a nerve‐wracking situation – an important meeting, presentation, or difficult conversation and if you’re like most people, your self‐talk will use the first‐person pronoun “I” or “my” ‐ “I’m nervous…” or “I don’t know if I can do this…” or “My heart is racing.” Such self‐talk usually intensifies your nerves. But replace your “I” or “my” self‐talk words with “You” (“You prepared for this”), your name (“Nathan, this is what you trained for”), or your nickname (“Nate, take a breath”), and you’ll start feeling confident.

In a 2014 University of Michigan study, participants were told to deliver a speech about their qualifications for a new job to a large group of evaluators with five minutes of preparation. Those told to include “you” or their name in their self‐talk significantly reduced their stress hormone cortisol, felt more confident, and performed better than the control group.

‘Could’

Someone you know is probably struggling with a challenge and wondering what he should do next. You can end his suffering and help him find a way forward by asking a good “could” question. If a friend is stuck in a dissatisfying job, say, “I know your job sucks, but what small thing could you do to improve your work life?” Your “could” question may get them to consider a request to their boss, like asking if they could come in early and have an extra hour at lunchtime to go to exercise in a gym.

“Could” questions get people to stop focusing on their problem and focus on possible solutions. They make people more curious and creative. Asking a form of, “What small action could you take?” is something great coaches do to help others generate possible solutions because great coaches know that people are more likely to act on their own ideas than ideas from others.

Identity Words

When people don’t do what you expect them to do, when your child doesn’t clean their room, or your employee misses a deadline ‐ don’t tell them what they should do; give them an identity worth striving for. Rather than instructing your child to pick up their toys, encourage

them to be “a good helper.” A study at a California preschool revealed that this subtle shift in language boosted helping behavior by nearly a third. Instead of lecturing an employee to do their work on time, ask them if they want to be “a top performer.”

Turning action words into identity words (verbs into nouns) is effective because we all strive to uphold positive self‐images and avoid labels that make us look bad. One study found that when election campaigns talked about “being a voter,” instead of simply asking people to vote, they increased voter turnout by 15%. Another study found that students who heard, “Don’t be a cheater” cheated half as much as students who received the words, “Don’t cheat.”