Love Lost in Translation?

By Herman M. Lagon

Love is universal, but how we express it differs. Just as language barriers cause confusion, unrecognized or misinterpreted love can create distance. Dr. Gary Chapman’s five love languages—words, acts, gifts, time, and touch—shape how we connect. This Valentine’s Day, whether through big surprises or simple gestures, is a chance to reflect on how we show love in all areas of life.

For many, love is felt more in actions than words. Parents, especially fathers, may not say, “I love you,” but their sacrifices and hard work say it for them. Because verbal affirmations are rare, they hold great power. A simple “Palangga gid kita” or “I am proud of you” can mean more than a thousand unspoken gestures. Research suggests that words of encouragement build trust and emotional security (Egbert & Polk, 2006). Yet, cultural norms often make verbal expressions of love uncomfortable or awkward. Breaking this pattern by choosing to voice love—especially on Valentine’s Day, when emotions run high—can make all the difference in strengthening relationships.

We demonstrate love via service in a culture that values “bayanihan” and “malasakit.” A mother rising up in the morning to cook “tapsilog” for her child, a friend offering a rainy ride home, or a husband fixing a faulty faucet without being asked are acts of love. Chapman (2015) says some understand love through deeds rather than words. When these efforts go unappreciated or unrepaid, issues occur. A husband may think he is showing love by working hard, but if his wife’s love language is affirmation, she may feel unappreciated. Recognizing these distinctions can reduce frustration and assist in bridging emotional barriers, ensuring love is given and received.

Receiving gifts is about thoughtfulness, not materialism. Filipinos have always valued pasalubong—small mementos brought home after a trip—for their sentimentality rather than their value. Whether a handwritten note or a childhood snack, a thoughtful gift has emotional value beyond its cost. Gift-giving studies show that physical gestures of affection build emotional and social bonding (Hughes & Camden, 2020). However, ignoring key occasions or sending thoughtless gifts might make a loved one feel irrelevant. A thoughtful present, no matter how small, shows that someone cares.

Quality time is scarce in the digital world. Many of us, especially those in long-distance relationships owing to a job abroad, realize presence is not always possible. The most valuable to people who speak this love language is attention. Surijah & Septiarly (2016) found that quality time improves relationship satisfaction. Physical proximity does not imply a connection. The conversation is different from skimming through screens while sitting together. Quality time needs focused attention, shared experiences, and presence, whether a romantic dinner, a sincere chat, or putting the phone away to focus on a loved one, making time meaningful and important.

Physical touch, often subtle, is vital in most relationships. Touch expresses love better than words, from “mano po” to lolos and lolas’ hugs. For those who cherish physical touch, Chapman (1995) recommends simple, regular gestures to show love. However, societal conventions sometimes prevent open expressions of devotion, especially among older generations. Some men struggle with physical demonstrations of affection, leaving their children wanting a pat on the back or a comforting embrace. Fostering warmer, more intimate relationships requires understanding that a light touch can bridge emotional divides.

Assuming others love as we do is a major issue in romantic, familial, or platonic relationships. A father who thinks providing for his family is the greatest love may not comprehend why his child wants vocal approval. A buddy who gives gifts may feel unappreciated if the recipient values time together. Chapman (2015) says knowing another’s love language is about intentionally communicating love, not changing who we are. Awareness can convert misunderstandings into deeper bonds.

Love expressions are changing nowadays. Social media posts are modern love letters, from extravagant birthday messages to carefully arranged anniversary tributes. Digital expressions are helpful, but they should not replace in-person connections. Karandashev (2015) found that online gestures improve relationship satisfaction but cannot replace vocal affirmations and physical presence. A passionate letter may get likes and comments, but a genuine coffee chat is irreplaceable.

Using love languages daily takes awareness. A teacher’s kind words can boost a student’s confidence. Couples who understand each other’s needs can strengthen their bond with small but meaningful gestures. A friend who values time over gifts will appreciate shared moments more than grand surprises. Speaking someone’s love language deepens connections and makes relationships more fulfilling.

Love languages matter not just in relationships but in self-care. Knowing how we receive love helps us nurture ourselves—whether through positive self-talk, meaningful actions, or small acts of kindness. Understanding what makes us feel valued strengthens both our connections and our well-being.

Many of us are naturally warm and expressive, yet many struggle to show love in ways that truly connect. Understanding love languages is not about following a formula but strengthening relationships by meeting people where they are. Love becomes more meaningful and lasting when given and received with awareness.

As Valentine’s Day nears, grand gestures take center stage, but love is often found in everyday acts—a mother cooking with care, a friend offering a listening ear, and a partner staying present in silence. Love languages serve as a guide, but real love is about effort, presence, and understanding. Learning to express and receive love well is a lifelong journey that deepens our relationships and our humanity.