I’m Bongit

By Alex P. Vidal

“A happy childhood has spoiled many a promising life.” —Robertson Davies

FOR those of you who aren’t familiar with me, in our family, they call me Bongit, not Bongbong.

There are associates and familiar characters who address me as Bongbong, but I’m still known as Bongit to most of them.

It’s not a lampoon when some pundits refer to me as Bongit; it is really how my close friends and family members call me.

It’s not really important actually. You can call me Bongit or Bongbong while I am not yet the president. Once I have taken my oath as president next year, of course, call me Mr. President. Drop the Bongit.

Let’s not beat around the bush here: I was the one being referred to by the Angry Man as the presidential candidate who allegedly used cocaine.

I chose the word “used”, a past tense, because “it’s a thing of the past” although I will not admit it—and, of course, I won’t dignify it.

I won’t waste my precious time defending myself when I have not been named in that unprovoked spiel, although it’s crystal clear I was the one being targeted by the Angry Man.

Once he mentions my name, I will rise to the occasion and defend my dignity not only as a leading presidential aspirant, but as a human being. I will never allow any bully to besmirch the good name of my family.

-o0o-

I would be a hypocrite if I won’t admit I was hurt with the Angry Man’s fusillade; it’s very unpresidential. It goes to my nerves, to be frank about it.

My friends and family, especially my beloved mom, Imeldific, were really hurt and utterly dumbfounded. The Angry Man’s attack was like a stray bullet that went straight to our ceiling and fell on my head but injured the bystanders, especially those who dearly love and respect me.

In the first place, I am not running against the Angry Man; I owe him nothing. My family isn’t beholden to him. The last time I remember I haven’t crossed paths with him. We neither argued nor engaged in illicit affairs.

I can not, for the life of me, recall having said or done something, at least in recent memory, that would ruffle the Angry Man’s feathers.

In fact, me and my family have been so careful not to antagonize the Angry Man knowing fully well his temperament and how awesome the power and influence he wields; he can ruin anyone’s political plans.

He knows how to use his authority to the hilt and is good at bullying the weaklings and those who refuse to toe his line.

It’s obvious his daughter’s decision to run “only” for the vice president didn’t sit well with his grand design, and this is what triggered him to run amuck.

He wanted to twist her head and control her political life, but the daughter was firm and proved to all and sundry she was her own woman and rejected the Angry Man as a political stage daddy.

-o0o-

She must’ve considered her dad as heavy baggage owing to all the scandal, corruption, incompetence, subservience to China, etcetera that has been rampaging the country.

She must’ve also detested her dad’s mind-boggling infatuation to an alalay who was “obligated” to file his Certificate of Candidacy (COC) for president at the last minute, so that he could express his frustrations after realizing the daughter could not be the next president when he exits the Palace next year.

She didn’t want the Angry Man’s alalay to be her running mate and the Angry Man felt she pulled the rug from under him and considered the seditious act as a national embarrassment and humiliation.

I noticed the Angry Man’s demeanor began to drastically change and he started badmouthing me and my good family after his daughter didn’t blink amid pressures for her to shoot for the presidency that would have dashed to pieces the dream Bongit-Daughter-Of-An-Angry Man tandem, which is really unbeatable and always leading in the surveys.

-o0o-

What have I done to deserve the Angry Man’s demolition binge?

I haven’t occupied the Palace yet, but he already reckoned I’m a weak leader?

Is he so aghast and nervous that I did not commit to rescuing him from being locked in the calaboose when the international criminal court convicts him and his criminal lapdogs once I become president?

By the way, don’t forget to vote for me for president. I’m confident this time I will beat Lady Gaga, who derailed my political plans when she beat me for vice president in 2016.

I will beat the former macho dancer/call boy who thinks his brief fame as mayor of a sin city was enough to catapult him to the presidency. I will beat the 1. Illiterate; 2. The Closet Queen; 3. The Alalay; and the Labor Leader. I’m Bongit.

(The author, who is now based in New York City, used to be the editor of two dailies in Iloilo.—Ed)