Having crushes know no age

By Herman M. Lagon

Everyone has a crush story, that little blush-worthy narrative of unspoken admiration. Having a crush is as natural as it is timeless, transcending age and proving that attraction is not a young person’s exclusive territory. Crushes are refreshing reminders that, despite our adult lives crammed with responsibilities, we are still capable of that sweet, irrational awe. Take my own crushes, for instance: accomplished and inspiring women like Leni Robredo, Risa Hontiveros, Lea Salonga, Natalie Portman, Gal Gadot, and Emma Watson, and the fictitious characters of Robin Scherbatsky (Cobie Smulders) in “How I Met Your Mother” series, and Penny Hofstadter (Kaley Cuoco) in “The Big Bang Theory” series—figures who embody sweetness, grace, wisdom, agency, and purpose.

As research reveals, crushes play a functional role in emotional development and personal discovery. Dr. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist, has long studied the brain’s reactions to love and attraction. According to her findings, a crush can trigger dopamine release, leading to that familiar feeling of excitement and anticipation. The rush is not limited to teenagers—it is a lifelong trait of human connection, explaining why adults still get butterflies. So, while some may find it odd that a middle-aged teacher has a crush on a public figure, it is rooted in our biology and the longing for connection.

To maintain that balance, however, it is vital to recognize the difference between harmless admiration and problematic attachment, especially as age gaps increase. In a 2020 Rappler advice column, Jeremy Baer tackled this issue when a young woman, Mia, expressed discomfort over her father’s infatuation with her 15-year-old classmate. Baer and Dr. Margarita Holmes offered sound advice, stressing that while it is normal to feel attraction, adults must manage those feelings discerningly. Holmes pointed out how Mia’s father’s behavior could destabilize family roles, a form of “parentification,” which burdens the child emotionally.

This boundary issue can get incredibly complicated in teacher-student settings. The DepEd Code of Ethics explicitly discourages any form of romantic relationship between educators and students. Even a harmless crush from a teacher on a public figure (say, Risa or Leni) can be endearing and illustrate admiration rooted in respect and empowerment. However, professional boundaries should protect students from undue influence or discomfort from school officials within educational contexts.

Studies have shown that crushes can also mirror one’s values and ideals, a theory explored by psychologist Carl Jung in his archetype theory. Jung believed that our admiration often reflects our own unrecognized traits or aspirations. For instance, admiring figures like Tony and Laurence Olivier awardee Lea may symbolize a connection to intellect and artistry. In this way, crushes act like mirrors, allowing us to explore parts of ourselves that we might not otherwise see. For young people, this may manifest as admiration for qualities they aspire to develop, while for adults, it may reflect values they already hold dear.

Yet, culturally, our views on age gaps and crushes often get blurred in real-life scenarios. Our notion of “kilig” amplifies this: the thrill of excitement that has fueled pop culture and traditional love stories for decades. Films and TV series romanticize crushes, heightening the drama around age and status differences. While this has contributed to the understanding that crushes “know no age,” it is still essential to appreciate that some boundaries, particularly around vulnerable or impressionable individuals, should be steadfast.

Returning to the lighter side of having crushes, there is a certain wisdom in simply enjoying the feeling. The principles of reflection and self-awareness advise that we approach our affections mindfully. Instead of suppressing or invalidating feelings of admiration, recognizing them allows us to channel that energy positively. A crush on a public figure can inspire us to learn more about their work, engage in community projects, or improve ourselves in small, meaningful ways.

For those of us in education, these narratives of harmless crushes can offer a touch of relatability for students. Discussing the distinction between admiration and attachment might encourage students to view their own feelings with perspective. At the same time, teachers can share how admiration for mentors or public figures has helped shape their goals. This builds a bridge of understanding that, while teachers and students are at different life stages, we all grapple with similar feelings.

And yet, it is also wise to ask where the line should be drawn. In Mia’s case, her discomfort was justified, as her father’s crush crossed into troubling territory, potentially harming her friend. The intervention Baer and Holmes recommended—a reminder of emotional maturity and ethical boundaries—was prudent. It is a reminder for all of us, especially adults in guiding roles, to uphold respect and ensure that admiration is directed toward personal growth rather than misplaced romantic intent.

So, let us celebrate crushes responsibly, appreciating how they spark our routines and open doors for self-reflection. From the classroom to the broader society, crushes are not just youthful indulgences; they make us human, a small yet impactful reminder that our hearts never truly grow old.

***

Doc H fondly describes himself as a “student of and for life” who, like many others, aspires to a life-giving and why-driven world grounded in social justice and the pursuit of happiness. His views do not necessarily reflect those of the institutions he is employed or connected with.