False ‘kaibigan’ exposed?!

By Herman M. Lagon 

In the labyrinth of politics, where power often blinds and corrupts, the line between true friendship and opportunistic alliance can blur. Recent events surrounding the latest Senate hullabaloo have brought to the fore a phenomenon that is as old as politics itself: the pretending. Such a “kaibigan” might wrap themselves in the garb of chumminess, but their true intentions are anything but noble.

Often disguised as “official business,” they peddle lies and false narratives, using public funds to indulge in extravagant, swifty travels—even in the midst of calamities—barely concealing their underlying disdain, indifference, or incompetence. When confronted or questioned, these individuals are known to respond in ways that sidestep the issue entirely, often resorting to non sequitur arguments, wielding threats (argumentum baculum), or launching personal attacks (ad hominem) instead of addressing the concerns at hand. This strategy is a deliberate attempt to camouflage their true colors, corruption, and manipulations, making it difficult for others to see through their facade.

A real friend is a lighthouse of support, a mirror reflecting your shortcomings and strengths, and a voice defending you when the world seems against you. But what happens when that “kaibigan” reveals themselves as a wolf in sheep’s clothing—a fraudulent ally? While undermining the basic foundation of decency, good governance, inclusivity, and social justice, a pretender friend gaslights you, causing you to doubt your views and instincts. In their world, the truth is malleable, bent to serve their interests, while the bullied are left to fend for themselves as these faux friends turn a deaf ear to their cries yet amplify the voices of the bullies.

The hypocrisy of such individuals is glaring. They speak of unity and the common good, yet their actions betray a different agenda. They talk more than they walk, their words heavy with criticism yet light on substance. When they do act, it is rarely in the interest of the masses or the marginalized; instead, they become the voice of oppressors, mollycoddling the powerful, the corrupt, and those who peddle fake news to the vulnerable. This is a “kaibigan” who does not stand up against thieves, molesters, gamblers, killers, drug dealers, and territorial expansionists but instead finds ways to justify or ignore their actions, a betrayal of the very principles of justice, morality, dignity, and sovereignty.

Public service should be about selflessness, yet these pretending friends behave as though they are entitled to their positions, like divas and royalties demanding the spotlight, believing that everything is always about them. Claiming incompetence or lack of integrity, they demand the resignation of others; however, when the tables turn, and the public starts calling for their resignation, they hang to their seats with a tenacity that resists the criticism they previously advocated. They resemble the toddler who throws a fit, reluctant to acknowledge they have been caught out and that their mask has fallen off.

The psychology behind such behavior is not new. Studies have long shown that individuals who feel entitled have often accomplished the least. Seeking to deflect their lack of success, they overcompensate by destroying and attacking others, perhaps even using books to manipulate a million kids and their parents in remote communities in the name of “kaibigan.” Those who have risen to status by connections and manipulation rather than by virtue can exhibit this behavior style. This famous example of the Dunning-Kruger effect shows people with low task ability exaggerating their ability. Deeply ingrained in their delusions of grandeur, the faking buddy becomes a walking representation of this cognitive bias, berating others while blind to their apparent failings.

One might ask, how do such individuals manage to maintain their charade? Their skill in navigating the political game will help to explain the solution. Surrounded by minions that mirror their stories, they drown out criticism and elevate their voices. The truth suffers in the echo chamber they design, given up on the altar of ambition. Though their record indicates little to no significant achievements, a sharp contrast to the real friends of the public who have devoted their lives to meaningful service, they promote themselves as champions of the people.

Moreover, the pretending “kaibigan” often excels at playing the victim. When addressed, they point the finger elsewhere, either as unfairly targeted or misinterpreted. One approach investigated closely in social psychology is one based on emotional control. Based on studies by Dr. Erving Goffman, these people engage in what he called “impression management,” carefully selecting their public image to inspire sympathy and deflect criticism. By doing this, they advance their covert agendas while still leveraging the goodwill of others.

Such people clearly pose a significant threat in positions of authority. Their lack of sincere public commitment, coupled with their manipulative inclinations, can result in more self-serving policies than good for society. People start to see through their façade and discover that they are not the friends they profess to be, eroding confidence in institutions. Their harm affects not just people but also the foundation of democracy itself.

Yet, there is hope. History has shown that such individuals, while they may rise quickly, often fall just as fast. Though sometimes slow to awaken, the public eventually sees through lies and deceit. And when that happens, most especially when those who have been awakened will no longer close their eyes, the pretending friend’s web of deception unravels, leaving them exposed and alone. The very sycophants who once bolstered them will be quick to abandon ship, seeking new alliances, hopefully with a purified heart, with those who genuinely represent the people’s interests.

This is not just a story about one individual or one controversy. For everyone involved in politics, may that be local or national, it is a warning story. Real friendship and authentic leadership go beyond words. They are about deeds and principles, defending what is right even in trying circumstances, speaking for the voiceless, standing for the oppressed, and leveraging one’s position not for personal benefit but for the greater good.

In the end, the pretending “kaibigan” becomes their own worst enemy. Their lies, deceit, and lack of genuine achievement inevitably catch up with them. While they may enjoy the favor of the powerful for a time, the relentless judgment of history spares no one. When the dust finally settles, it is the true friends of the people—those who have walked the talk, spoken truth to power, and dedicated themselves to justice, equality, and the common good—who will endure.

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Doc H fondly describes himself as a ”student of and for life” who, like many others, aspires to a life-giving and why-driven world grounded in social justice and the pursuit of happiness. His views do not necessarily reflect those of the institutions he is employed or connected with.