EVERGREEN: A Wayfarer’s Soul

By Lady Kyla S. Balibagoso
BS in Environmental Management
Central Philippine University

A little prologue – I didn’t anticipate how a simple awareness could lead me to profound reformation. I am a curious sprout; I tend to get drowned in my reflections. Maybe my curiosity would never stop until all the cats are killed. Maybe I won’t halt until my knees are wounded.

As I open my eyes every time the sun gleams its hello to the world, after uttering words of gratitude to the mighty creator, I would quickly open my windows. Gentle slaps from placid winds are my favorite welcoming act during this kind of moment. I would then come face to face with a mature Santol tree that filters sunrays. Sometimes, I would also wake up to the melodious chirping of Maya birds. After productive days, I would look outside my window where the moonlight gives showering kisses to the Santol tree, then my mind would wander to different possibilities that the stars, the leaves, and the wind carry.

As time passes, I can’t help but be even more grateful to my mother. She birthed, raised, and fed me; she cried for me, she cared for and loved me beyond conditions despite every burden I gave to her. She still watches over me and makes sure that I grow wise. Someone asked me when I was in fourth grade, “Ginahigugma mo bala ang imo iloy?” (Do you love your mother?) I can remember how quickly I answer “yes” every time. Then during my 6th grade, I was questioned by my science teacher if I happened to know ‘Mother Earth.’ I shook my head and what made me crease my forehead, even more, was when she told me that Mother Earth was actually our mother too — her soil and everything in between. Of course, she explained further, however, my young mind could not grasp a word she said. I went to high school with minimal consciousness about this “other mom.”

I only knew more about her during my first year in high school as we had an environmental science subject. Yet, I wasn’t able to comprehend why our planet was considered female. Why is earth a mother? I was raised in a community where men were dominant; all I knew back then was that Earth should be a male because females are fragile. I didn’t know any better. I somehow regret being a late bloomer and being so accepting of the patriarchal beliefs.

My dream profession changes every year as I learn more about this world. During my elementary years, I wanted to be a chef. When I was in Junior High School, I wanted to be a teacher. And in my Senior High School years, when I should have chosen a career path already, my mind went into turmoil. I couldn’t see myself as a chef or as a teacher anymore. I couldn’t see a college version of myself. Every day, I would be sleeping anxiously knowing that I might not have a future.

Yet, I can relive in my mind how my simple summer day last May 29, 2020, greatly affected the beat of my pulse. I was just exploring the four corners of my room with my eyes and admiring the leaves of the Santol tree, while silently praying for my family’s safety amid Covid-19. Suddenly, my phone buzzed indicating a message. It was an invitation.

“Good afternoon, Ms. Balibagoso! This is Hannah of The Estrawngheroes, a community of youth leaders in the Province of Iloilo working towards a community free from single-use plastics. We would like to ask for cooperation and partnership from your School Publication regarding the upcoming “DO Day: Time for Nature!” I didn’t know why but I never hesitated and I said yes. I was the editor-in-chief of our school’s publication at that time.  Impulsive, I know but I was just thrilled because for the first time I would be facing a new challenge outside the academic walls. That message was my first-ever fuel.

On that day, a new sense of mission and vision awoke within me. My adventurous and ever-curious spirit has never been so alive. It was like something coursed through my veins — maybe it was the nourishment from our “other mother.” She fed my existence with a new food, a different sustenance, of purpose to drink upon — like a tuburan. My thirst for direction was appeased.

However, during those times I felt like I didn’t belong. The excitement died down after a day. I wasn’t suited for it. I was too innocent and lacked knowledge unlike other people on the team. They have vast awareness when it comes to the environment while I was still a late bloomer, as always. Yet, I still tried because I did not have enough will to stop. They were all exemplary and they’ve already attained wondrous achievements despite their age. Others were younger than me yet I was behind them all the time. They all had ideas for the progress of the team; I had none. I couldn’t comprehend a single thing that was happening. I felt like question marks were etched on my skin.

But it dawned on me that I should be kinder to myself since I was still taking baby steps. I was pressured and therefore I forgot to take things easy. I sat by my window once again, the sun was kissing the horizon. The romance I witnessed was reflected on my face. I knew it was our “other” mom’s way of saying, “this is a chance to reset, try again and this time do it with me.”

In the following days, despite being left behind a couple of times, I didn’t falter, I resisted the stones that were shackled on my feet. It drained my vibrance away. Nonetheless, my mantra throughout stood clear. “This is for her.” In the end, I survived and I gained something greater than myself.

I ventured a lot from then on. I risked and grabbed opportunities. I believe that opportunities were given to me because they coalesced with my mission and it would give me a sort of training.

After my escapade with the EstrawngHeroes, I joined different organizations. I continuously molded my potential and my skills. Advocating and community service became my sanctuary — my rest. Unforeseen metamorphosis held my hand and led me to a growth I never imagined I could reach.

Traveling back in time once again, a person with kind eyes, a gentle voice, and exemplary brilliance crossed my path. He helped me with my feature article by bringing me to a culture-rich community of indigenous people so I could write from inspiration. After that, we had no contact for a year. The memories remained, it was preserved.

As I traverse, barefoot on the green grass of my odyssey, I finally understood how crucial the people I met were. It took me years to digest this truth. They were my treasures. As I walk my chosen path, they’re with me. They became a huge part of me. Especially the olive-skinned woman with a kindred spirit. Her words held depth in them and I chose to dive down and bathe in them. She smiles less brightly than the sun yet sweeter than the Santan flower’s nectar. Every action she does would be recorded through my eyes and my eyes would send my soul caress of sparks. She reminded me that I should listen closely to the lands so I may hear the heartbeat of this world. Funnily enough, I almost thought she was the reincarnation of Mother Nature.

For many months my every being would intricately think about the field of environmental advocacy. From there, I just did my best every time.

Females weren’t easily accepted as leaders. Patriarchal beliefs remain alive within other people’s minds. I knew I had to fight — for myself, for other women, and my advocacy.

I now walk with Mother Nature. I love how she raised and fed me; she cried for me, she cared for and loved me unconditionally, despite every burden I gave her. She watches over me. I now understand why she is female. It has become an interesting comparison for me, as both have at least one thing in common: mothers persist tirelessly to nurture us. She knows me best—mothers know best.

Looking back, I have grown into a person I didn’t expect to become, yet I still have a lot to learn. This natural world has a plethora of long-term gifts to offer. All we have to do is pay attention. Then again, greed and power are powerful sources of distraction, and that is something we must not remove from the equation.

I know my life-givers are proud of my every step. They witnessed a curious sprout grow into a firm plant — an Evergreen plant. My passion, perseverance, and pure intentions to direct my fellow advocates to attain a greener and safer community remain through more than one growing season.

From the grassroots level to a higher stage, my Evergreen, Wayfarer Soul shall persist.

I folded my arms and pressed them against the window stool to support my chin while gazing out the window. The amount of sunlight that reached the walls was determined by the location of the tree, with leaves filtering the hours of light. I still can’t believe that I am already a college student pursuing a Bachelor of Science in Environmental Management degree. The sun grinned at me again, I smiled back, closing my eyes while silently muttering words of gratitude to the forces that led me here.