A lesson on friendship

By Herbert Vego 

DURING a Christmas party, I heard a friend approach a common friend to borrow money.

“What are friends for?” the latter answered, and the conversation ended well with money changing hands.

It reminded me of a famous quotation, “A friend in need is a friend indeed.”

Not everybody enjoys such accommodation.  We all have encountered people who grumble over “friends who know you only if they have a favor to ask.”

But I cannot forget a sad experience I had with the entertainment editor of the defunct Daily Express when I was doing publicity work for a music-recording company in Manila.  He was such an introvert that I found it hard winning his friendship.

On the day I gave him a pack of long-play records of our singers, he uttered a somewhat rude remark, “If I were not the editor, would you give this to me?”

Embarrassed, I fumbled for words that did not come easy. Sensing my embarrassment, he must have regretted having offended me; he kept the gift in his drawer.

The next time I submitted a press release to him, minus any gift, he vowed to use it for the next day’s issue. I had become his friend in need, indeed.

When I myself became editor of the defunct Movie Flash, a Manila-based entertainment tabloid, I opted to chart the opposite direction because no matter how “selfish,” ours is a give-and-take society where quid pro quo –a favor earned for something given – is the rule

That applies to the business world where the seller always befriends hard-to-please customers to win their patronage.

If you are the boss, you need to be a friend of the employees, suppliers, customers, and government agencies.

If you are a hired hand, you have no choice but be in good terms with the boss, co-workers and everybody else in the organization.

And so, we get disappointed over “unfair treatment” from relying too much on another person. The more we rely on someone, the more we see his imperfections without realizing that he must have seen our imperfections, too.

We have learned from Charles Darwin’s “survival of the fittest” that people are programmed at birth to be selfish. This means that whatever good we do to others is commensurate with their usefulness to us. Imagine what would happen if we feed others to the point of starving ourselves.

If we expect the best of whatever from all of our friends and relatives, it could lead to frustration and despair.

Whereas, accepting human nature as it really is makes us focus on actions that also create value for others.

People do not easily shed off ingrained habits and beliefs. I saw this for myself recently when I received a Hindu literature in an email. Try hard as I did, I could not swallow its recommendation to worship the elephant god Ganesh in exchange for good fortune.

Conversely, the Hindus could not be forced to worship Jesus Christ.

Still, people may change due to unforeseen circumstances. I saw this in my late Uncle George, who had served a decade in New Bilibid Prison. When he got out of jail, he kept out of trouble, realizing that it was his bad temper that had caused him to shoot a man to death.

It is therefore wise to select business associates, friends, and spouses whom we share common values with. A marriage between a rabid Catholic and a rabid Protestant may trigger frequent arguments, ending in a broken home.

We become hypocritical when we pretend to “adjust” to people with ideas and beliefs contrary to ours.

To quote American book author Robert Ringer, “All people, at one time or another, deviate from their moral beliefs; they are sometimes hypocritical. The cause is the desire for instant gratification.”

The typical politician is not always motivated by his passion to serve the people but by his need to win and stay in power.